Sexual EduKINKtion - Learning about Safe, Consensual Kink

One thing I've noticed in my sex education work is that there's two main things we don't talk about: queer sexuality, and kinky shit.

Learning about kink is so important, because people are going to practice it whether it's talked about or not, and I would so much rather people did it safely. And you know what doesn't depict kink accurately? FIFTY FUCKING SHADES OF GREY. (The book and movie may not be accurate, but they are hot as hell, not going to lie. Fight me.)

But, unlike E.L. James, I'm going to teach you all about it in a comprehensive, comfortable, and clear way. Let's get right into it!

Kink, as a broad term, encompasses any sexual behavior that's considered "deviant," and it usually entails some aspect of BDSM. Other kinky things include fetishes, paraphilias (unusual sexual desires like wanting to have sex with a balloon or a pool floaty), and even more 'mainstream' things like anal sex.

So, what is BDSM?
It's made up of three different letter combos. B&D, D&S, and S&M (yes, like the Rihanna song).

• B&D = Bondage and Discipline
• D&S = Domination and Submission
• S&M = Sadism and Masochism

Allow me to break that down even more and define the terms. I'll also give examples, because I'm just that good of a teacher. 

• Bondage: the practice of consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner. Examples include being tied up with rope, taped up with bondage tape, put in restraints, and handcuffed.
• Discipline: a practice where the dominant sets rules for the submissive that he/she is expected to obey. When rules are broken, punishment is often used as a means of disciplining. Examples include dominants saying things like "you can't orgasm until I say so," then spanking if the submissive does orgasm before then. 
• Domination: This one is pretty self-explanatory. One partner (or multiple, if it's a group situation) consensually exercises control over the other, sexually/verbally/physically.
• Submission: The person who is dominated is the submissive.
• Sadism: Deriving pleasure from inflicting pain on someone (safely and consensually, otherwise you're an actual psychopath). 
• Masochism: Deriving pleasure from consensually receiving pain. Some examples include enjoying spanking, face slapping, nipple pinching, biting, hot wax, etc.

What about fetishes? What are those?

Well, there's a fetish for most things. Some of the most common include foot fetishes, exhibitionism (a fetish for being watched while in a sexual situation) and voyeurism (a fetish for watching sexual situations). There's fetishes for all kinds of stuff - just today, I learned there's such a thing as a sprained ankle fetish. Lots of people have fetishes for long nails, toenails, bruises, hickeys, chokers, and there's other things like lingerie fetishes, the list goes on and on.

The best advice I can give anyone who's just getting into the kink scene is this: Be safe, sane, and consensual. Always give and receive clear, VERBAL consent before engaging in any kink practices. Use a safe word, or the "stoplight system" where you say "yellow" if something is iffy and "red" to signify a complete stop to the activity. Only practice kink in safe situations with people who you know will respect your wishes. Have clear conversations before any kink scenes. Take it easy on alcohol and drugs if you're going into a kinky situation, as these can blur consent lines and de-sensitize you to pain. And have fun!