Today we're going to talk about getting wet and feeling horny. Whew, it's getting hot in here already.
The amount of conversations I've had with people MY age about not being able to get 'wet enough' or 'needing' to use lube is honestly unbelievable.
"I think it's because of my meds."
"I think it's because I'm nervous about sex."
"I think it's because my partner doesn't warm me up enough."
"I'm definitely horny, but it doesn't SHOW to my partner because it's like the Sahara down there."
Can we stop with the excuses? It. Is. Okay. To need a little help.
That's what lube is for. There is no shame in needing a little bit of a booster to get wet. Let me reiterate: THERE IS NO SHAME IN USING LUBE.
Sure, certain medication, stress, time of the month and lack of arousal can all play a part. But who the hell cares? It's not your fault and it's NOT a problem.
People with vaginas, especially those of us who were conditioned as women, are societally conditioned to think that we should be horny whenever we 'need' to be, that we can basically get wet on command, that our pleasure is designed to be conditional. It's not. We are in control of our own pleasure.
Having sex without enough lube is damn uncomfortable. And not just that, it can actually make your poor vagina sick. Having sex without proper lubrication can cause tiny abrasions in the sensitive skin of the vulva, which can absorb the natural bacteria of you and your partner and give you an infection. It can cause labial swelling, it can make you apprehensive about sex, and honestly it doesn't feel great for your partner either. When you're not properly lubricated, the vagina naturally clenches up. It doesn't want anything in it (which is totally understandable. I feel you, vagina.) So you're feeling extra tight because of the clenching, maybe kind of dry and raw? Your partner isn't going to feel good about jamming anything in there. (I'm going to do another post on vaginal tightness and how it's a total myth. Hang in there.)
So what do we do to remedy this problem? Be honest about your sensations. Prioritize your pleasure. Tell your partner, using I statements, what's going on. Make it sexy!
"I'm not wet enough for sex yet. Let's grab some lube. Want me to put some on you?" "Ooh, I'm not quite ready for that! Would you mind going down on me for a minute?" (Saliva is an awesome lube tbh. Just make sure you're fluid-bonded and know your STI status.)
Saying any of these things, with a wry smile and some sexy touching, will make your partner do internal flips. They will know you're taking care of you, and getting adequately warmed up, so that sex will feel better for the both of you. How romantic. <3
The amount of conversations I've had with people MY age about not being able to get 'wet enough' or 'needing' to use lube is honestly unbelievable.
"I think it's because of my meds."
"I think it's because I'm nervous about sex."
"I think it's because my partner doesn't warm me up enough."
"I'm definitely horny, but it doesn't SHOW to my partner because it's like the Sahara down there."
Can we stop with the excuses? It. Is. Okay. To need a little help.
That's what lube is for. There is no shame in needing a little bit of a booster to get wet. Let me reiterate: THERE IS NO SHAME IN USING LUBE.
Sure, certain medication, stress, time of the month and lack of arousal can all play a part. But who the hell cares? It's not your fault and it's NOT a problem.
People with vaginas, especially those of us who were conditioned as women, are societally conditioned to think that we should be horny whenever we 'need' to be, that we can basically get wet on command, that our pleasure is designed to be conditional. It's not. We are in control of our own pleasure.
Having sex without enough lube is damn uncomfortable. And not just that, it can actually make your poor vagina sick. Having sex without proper lubrication can cause tiny abrasions in the sensitive skin of the vulva, which can absorb the natural bacteria of you and your partner and give you an infection. It can cause labial swelling, it can make you apprehensive about sex, and honestly it doesn't feel great for your partner either. When you're not properly lubricated, the vagina naturally clenches up. It doesn't want anything in it (which is totally understandable. I feel you, vagina.) So you're feeling extra tight because of the clenching, maybe kind of dry and raw? Your partner isn't going to feel good about jamming anything in there. (I'm going to do another post on vaginal tightness and how it's a total myth. Hang in there.)
So what do we do to remedy this problem? Be honest about your sensations. Prioritize your pleasure. Tell your partner, using I statements, what's going on. Make it sexy!
"I'm not wet enough for sex yet. Let's grab some lube. Want me to put some on you?" "Ooh, I'm not quite ready for that! Would you mind going down on me for a minute?" (Saliva is an awesome lube tbh. Just make sure you're fluid-bonded and know your STI status.)
Saying any of these things, with a wry smile and some sexy touching, will make your partner do internal flips. They will know you're taking care of you, and getting adequately warmed up, so that sex will feel better for the both of you. How romantic. <3
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